7 unique behaviors of a toxic optimist, according to a psychologist

We’ve all heard it earlier than, “A positive mindset can change your life.” And positive, optimism is usually seen as a advantage. It helps us face challenges head-on, lifts our spirits, and even boosts our general well being.

However have you ever ever met somebody who’s simply a little too… optimistic?

I’m speaking in regards to the variety of one that sees each single setback as a step ahead. The one who brushes off severe points with a easy “it could be worse” or “everything happens for a reason”. It’s like they’re dwelling in their very own happy-go-lucky bubble.

That is what psychologists refer to as toxic positivity. It could sound like an oxymoron, however sure, an excessive amount of of a good factor can certainly be dangerous.

So you might be asking your self, “What does a toxic optimist look like?” To reply that query, I’ve compiled a checklist of seven unique behaviors that characterize these overly-positive people.

1) They dismiss detrimental emotions

Ever tried opening up to somebody about your issues, just for them to reply with one thing like “Just think positive!” or “Look on the bright side!”?

Whereas they might imply nicely, this sort of response may be extremely irritating.

Toxic optimists typically have a behavior of dismissing detrimental feelings, each their very own and others’. They imagine that by merely “thinking positive”, these emotions will magically disappear.

However right here’s the factor – it’s okay to really feel unhappy, offended or fearful typically. These feelings are a pure half of life, and it’s vital to acknowledge and course of them, moderately than simply sweep them beneath the rug.

2) They keep away from coping with issues

I keep in mind a pal of mine who was all the time the life of the get together, radiating positivity like a human sunbeam. However when it got here to dealing with real-life issues, she’d retreat into her shell of optimism.

As an example, when she was struggling financially, as a substitute of addressing the problem and creating a funds or looking for monetary recommendation, she’d merely say, “Money’s just energy. It’ll flow back to me.”

Her constructive outlook was admirable, but it surely was additionally a means of avoiding the tough actuality.

That’s precisely what toxic optimists do — they typically use their sunny disposition as a defend in opposition to life’s darker moments.

They like to stay of their rose-tinted world, ignoring issues moderately than confronting them head-on.

And sure, it might really feel good within the second, however this avoidance ultimately leads to larger points down the road as unresolved issues have a tendency to develop and multiply.

Being optimistic is nice, but it surely’s additionally vital to face actuality and deal with our issues head-on. There’s no disgrace in admitting there’s a problem and taking steps to resolve it.

As creator Mark Manson wrote in his book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life”:

“Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.”

3) They’re unrealistic in regards to the future

It’s one factor to keep hopeful in regards to the future, it’s one other to be blindly and stubbornly optimistic, to the purpose of disregarding actuality. Toxic optimists typically fall into the latter class.

Take, as an example, a colleague of mine who was continuously planning grandiose initiatives that had been clearly past our crew’s capability. He’d paint a image of success, ignoring the potential roadblocks and challenges.

After we’d voice our considerations, he’d brush them off with a wave of his hand and a hearty, “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it!”

This blind optimism grew to become a drawback. Deadlines had been missed, work high quality suffered, and crew morale plummeted. His refusal to settle for the potential for failure led us down a path of very actual failure.

Optimism is fantastic, however when it blinds us to practicality and actuality, it could lead us on a wild goose chase. It’s vital to strike a steadiness between optimism and realism.

In any case, hoping for the very best however getting ready for the worst isn’t pessimism, it’s simply good planning.

4) They lack empathy

Surprisingly, regardless of their positivity, toxic optimists typically battle to empathize with others. However when you consider it, it doesn’t appear unusual in any case, contemplating how they refuse to acknowledge the validity of detrimental feelings.

I as soon as had a pal who, it doesn’t matter what variety of hardship I used to be going by, would all the time reply with one thing alongside the strains of, “Well, at least you’re not…” after which proceed to examine my scenario to another person’s.

Whereas she thought this was useful, it typically left me feeling unheard and invalidated.

Folks need their emotions acknowledged, not minimized. Sure, it’s true that there’s all the time somebody worse off, however that doesn’t make a particular person’s struggles any much less actual or vital.

Empathy requires us to step into another person’s footwear and really feel their ache. However if you happen to’re too busy attempting to paint a silver lining round their cloud, you’re probably lacking the purpose.

It’s essential to keep in mind that typically, folks don’t want options or comparisons; they simply want somebody to hear and empathize with their emotions.

5) They are often overly aggressive

This may come as a shock, however toxic optimists can typically be excessively aggressive. They’re so satisfied of the constructive consequence that they view every little thing as a winnable problem.

Take for instance the phenomenon of toxic positivity within the office. When workers really feel pressured to keep a constructive outlook always, it could create a cutthroat atmosphere.

It then turns into much less about teamwork and extra about who can seem essentially the most resilient or upbeat, even within the face of adversity.

This competitiveness isn’t simply restricted to skilled settings, it could spill over into private relationships as nicely. For those who’ve ever felt like somebody is attempting to “out-positive” you, it’s probably they’re a toxic optimist.

Competitors definitely has its place, however when it comes on the expense of genuine connections and cooperation, it’s value reassessing. Wholesome relationships, be they skilled or private, thrive on mutual help, not one-upmanship.

6) They battle with vulnerability

It’s a widespread trait amongst toxic optimists to shrink back from any type of vulnerability. This stems from their perception that expressing detrimental feelings or admitting to struggles is a signal of weak spot.

I’ve seen this in a shut pal who had a robust time coming to phrases with a private loss. She wore her optimism like an armor, by no means permitting herself to grieve or categorical her disappointment overtly.

It was as if she was attempting to persuade herself that she was okay, even when she clearly wasn’t.

Bear in mind, it’s okay not to be okay. Vulnerability is just not a signal of weak spot, however a testomony to our humanity.

As researcher Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

7) They resist change

Mockingly, regardless of their forward-looking nature, toxic optimists may be resistant to change.

It’s because they’re typically wedded to a particular constructive consequence, and any deviation from that may be unsettling.

Sadly, change is a fixed in life. It’s how we adapt, develop, and evolve. Being open to change, even when it disrupts our constructive expectations, is essential for private {and professional} success.

In any case, the one factor sure in life is uncertainty.

Remaining ideas

For those who’ve acknowledged your self or somebody you already know in these behaviors, keep in mind that optimism itself isn’t the issue.

Actually, a wholesome dose of optimism may be extremely useful—it’s typically what retains us resilient, hopeful, and motivated when instances get robust.

The problem seems when optimism turns toxic, appearing as a defend that blocks us from dealing with actuality and tackling life’s real struggles.

By studying to steadiness optimism with a grounded perspective, we permit ourselves to navigate life with each hope and realism, prepared to handle challenges head-on.